


as though nothing could fall

by tgtchm



Category: The Grand Tour (TV) RPF, Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Texting, just a weird fluffy nothingness piece really, romantic rubbish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2019-02-17 02:42:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13067436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tgtchm/pseuds/tgtchm
Summary: James says "I love you", and Jeremy can't quite say it back.





	as though nothing could fall

**Author's Note:**

> this is a birthday present for my dear friend aerin—happy birthday m'dear!!
> 
> this also started off as a _short_ idea in my head; I wanted to fit it into a christmas card, after all. but, as always, it ran away with me and became longer than I ever thought it would lol. that's why it's a bit sloppy and loose but I hope you enjoy it anyway!!

The first time James ever says _I love you_ to Jeremy they’re standing in the kitchen, wrapped loosely in each other’s arms. They’re just stood there—because Jeremy cannot seem to go very far without snagging James by the wrist or by the waist and pulling him close to kiss him, like he can’t quite believe that what they have is _real_ —and Jeremy is midway through reaching up to brush some of James’ hair out of his eyes when the words fall out of him, completely of their own accord since James has known for a while but hasn’t dared voice it, and Jeremy’s hand stills in mid-air.

“Sorry,” James says instantly, because he knows that what they have is still so new and fragile that the novelty hasn’t quite worn off for Jeremy, and if James starts pushing it by saying idiotic things the shine will wear off all the more faster and Jeremy’ll be left holding James and seeing him for what he really is instead of whatever romantic hallucination he’s no doubt conjuring up. “I didn’t mean to say that.”

“Didn’t mean to say it, or didn’t mean it?”

Jeremy is offering him an out, he knows, and for a moment he’s tempted to take it. But—but with Jeremy looking at him evenly, his face clouded with an expression that James, for once, cannot identify, he just does not have the heart. “Didn’t mean to say it,” he murmurs, bracing himself for a rebuke—

—a rebuke that does not come, because Jeremy’s hand falls on his face after all, and he smiles. “Knew it,” he murmurs, and it’s not _I love you_ , not yet, but it’s a start.

*

The Airfix kit arrives on his doorstep three days later—a BAC Lightning. James knows it’s from Jeremy not only because, well, who else would send him an Airfix kit out of the blue? but also because that other day, in the kitchen, he’d been wearing his t shirt with that same plane on it, and Jeremy is about as subtle as a bulldozer.

12:52  
**_What’s this?_**

12:59  
_Thought you’d like it._

13:01  
_Was I wrong?_

13:02  
**_No. It’s appreciated. I’m just confused_**

13:02  
_Can’t a man get his man an Airfix aeroplane without being questioned over it?_

13:03  
**_Oh. So I’m your man, now?_**

13:04  
_You’ve always been my man, James. You just mightn’t have known it at the time_

James is left staring at his phone with his stomach doing backflips, the Airfix model still clutched in his hand.

*

The next time—well, James barely remembers the next time, blinded by the sun streaming in through the curtains. He’s awake because Jeremy’s awake, stretching beside the bed, his t-shirt riding up. The bed is cold without him there, but it’s probably his wriggling that woke James up—he’s not quite so used to Jeremy’s presence that the absence of it is something that will drag him from sleep. “Jeremy?” he mutters croakily, turning over.

“Hm? Go back to sleep, James.” The bed creaks as Jeremy sits down and then passes a hand over James’ back, between his shoulder blades and down to the small of his back before going up once more. The touch is unbelievably soothing and he groans, muffled, a groan that means _please don’t stop until I fall asleep again_ , and Jeremy just laughs.

“Love you,” he slurs, too out of it to care that he’s saying those big, frightening words again.

Jeremy’s hand only stills for a second before resuming its rhythm. “I know,” he whispers, and James doesn’t have the energy to tell him he’s a walking pop-culture stereotype before drifting back into sleep.

*

This time it’s not an Airfix kit but some Lego, and it takes James a bit of thinking before he puts two and two together and realises it must be from Jeremy. It takes him less time to realise that this is a pattern, now; he says those three words and Jeremy sends him something to put together, to create. Is that what love is, to Jeremy? An Airfix model of a Lightning and a Lego kit of the Space Shuttle? Or is it a metaphor that’s going completely over James’ head?

10:03  
**_Got your Lego._**

10:18  
_I believe the appropriate response is ‘Thank you Jeremy, you’re the most wonderful man on earth, whatever would I do without you?’_

10:20  
**_Go down the shops and buy it myself_**

10:23  
_That’s not the point. Do you like it?_

10:30  
**_I do, but I’m confused by the sentiment._**

10:34  
_Just let me buy you things, James. It gives this old man’s heart pleasure._

10:37  
**_And you like to call me strange._**

*

The third time James doesn’t even give Jeremy a chance to shrug off the words. The moment he’s in James’ entryway, pulling off his coat, James barrels into him and says, “I love you,” loudly so he can convince himself he’s actually said it.

“Christ, James, let me at least get my bloody coat off before you start accosting me—” Jeremy starts, struggling with his arms, trapped in his coat, before he finally gets them free and wraps them around James to pull him even closer. “What the hell has gotten into you?”

“I love you, Jeremy,” James says again, firmly.

“Heard you the first time.” Jeremy’s smile is wry, a twist of his lips, and ordinarily James loves that smile, but not now, not now. “Lego kits can only tide a man over for so long, I assume.”

For a moment, James wars with himself. He knows Jeremy loves him—knows it deep in his heart, just as he also knows that they were friends long before they were ever lovers and it’s this that makes them work, knows that Jeremy makes rubbish tea and is irritating to the nth degree and may actually drive James properly mental one day, but he also knows this is what he _wants_. So why can he not accept Jeremy’s silence on the matter? Some things do not need to be vocalised to be truth. This is one of those things.

And yet, and yet, Jeremy brushes his hair out of his eyes and softens and James feels a part of him actually melt. “I didn’t think I needed to say it,” and his eyes are smiling but James feels like he’s flying. “You are _such_ a pedant. I thought you’d get the message with the Airfix.”

“For god’s sake,” he croaks, “say it and put me out of my misery before I keel over.”

“Love you, James.” And then James is present once more, his feet on the ground, Jeremy’s hand on his face warm and comforting and everything he needs all at once, so much so it verges on overwhelming. “Is that what you need?” At James’ nod, he says it again. “I’ll say it for as long as you need me to.”

“That’ll be a while, then,” James says, and he knows that Jeremy knows that when he says _a while_ he really means _forever_ , and when Jeremy doesn’t object he closes his eyes and smiles, completely and utterly content.


End file.
